Who were you before the world told you who you should be? Who were you before the world got heavy, challenging or fearful? There is an essence in you that will always flicker, even through the toughest and darkest moments. It is our life challenge and purpose to find that spark and light it up bright once again. Life is full of so many twists and turns, most of them are there to wake us up to ourselves and our conditioning.
(No babies were harmed in this photo, I think its was possibly just time for milk?)
Since the birth of my little one I feel I have been on an agonising journey with my own inner child. I had so little memory of my childhood until the birth of my own child. So much was rising up at a rate I just could not process. Alongside her milestones I was regressing to all of mine. My inner child was really hurting and she didn’t have the guidance to manage all the emotions bubbling to the surface.
Flo has been an amazing guide and teacher for my inner child. She has taught me about strength, courage and freedom. Joy runs freely through her and its sparked so many lost parts of my soul. I have to say I’m still struggling to find the playful part of myself that delights in role play and a free flowing imagination. (It’s kind of feels like too much judgement is still in the way)
I have been thinking deeply about when I lost her, when I lost my essence. I’m sorry to say it was pretty young around about 7. I’ve been trying so hard to cultivate the parts that are now distorted, lost or just so heavy with layers of unprocessed emotions. Learning so much about the spiral element of life, rather than the linear – Knowing she resides in me, in the shadows, she needs to know its safe to be seen again.
In the photo seen here I can see my essence. She danced in nature in a grass skirt, not scared of her body. Her bare feet delicately grounded in the grass, cartwheeling without fear of falling, belly proudly on show and the sun shining on her face. Of course she had no worries, she was 7, but all that followed this stage weighed her down, made her heavy and not so light anymore. Peeling back all those layers has taken me back there, so I can cultivate all the fragmented parts in-between.
Becoming a mother will give you the chance to dance with your inner child once again and none of us know quite what that will bring as its largely subconscious. It can bring joy, sorrow, pain and discomfort but the journey of remembering is always a healing one.
I honestly feel that mothering Flo is putting me more in touch with all the parts I buried so deeply. Thank you dear daughter for bringing her out into the light, showing me her once again. xx